i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
