You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
