hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
