I wish I could punch you in the face.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize