I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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