Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We have started to decorate penises.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
