i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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