youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
