in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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