Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
my nose is crying tears of wow.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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