420 ftw
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
