Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
