Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
