my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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