Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
