i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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