I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
