thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize