the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize