my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
