So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
