his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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