Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
