My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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