I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
