I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
