i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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