I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
