She went from zero to smokin in five shots
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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