some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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