so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
If I die, sorry about rent.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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