i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
