Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
