I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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