The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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