An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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