She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
