No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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