i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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