how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
