VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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