i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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