i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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