Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
