cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Threesome in a minivan. New low
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Dicks are not precious.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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