Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I looked at my own cervix.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize