I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
