pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
