That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I love you. Go after that dick
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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