Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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