It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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