hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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