no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
