they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
