she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
