I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
