Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
