My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
