obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
