Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i drank out of a bidet.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
