My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
