you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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