im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
