He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
try to milk me bitch
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