she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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