i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
ugly people sure do ruin things
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Well I just put wine in my tea
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize