i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
