you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
