His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
