I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
