Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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