So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize