btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Can you repeat that, but with context?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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