Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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