Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
