I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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