I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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