Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
