And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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