Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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