Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just pee around me
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
