my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
