Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize