4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
