I am in a vortex of obligation.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
