It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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