They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
