we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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