Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
