All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
