your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
