There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
