He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
