Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
