He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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