there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
