He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
