peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
