god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
