i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
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