the condom got lost in my hair
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
