Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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