just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Randomize
