I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
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Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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